Returning Home to Your True Self | The Essential Grace Series, Pt. 4

Tired of pretending to be who others expect you to be? That exhaustion isn’t just emotional — it’s neurological. Your brain literally burns out trying to manage a false self. But here’s the good news: your true self — the one God dreamed up before the foundation of the world — isn’t something you have to earn or achieve. It’s already in you, waiting to be remembered and rediscovered. 

In this episode, we’re fusing neuroscience with soul-deep truth. Discover how authenticity lights up your brain’s default mode network, reduces stress, and strengthens emotional bonds. When you live from your true self, you’re not just happier, you’re healthier! No more performing. No more people-pleasing. Just grace, identity, and a return home to the real you: God’s beloved. Let’s go there together. 

Today’s Reflection Questions: 

• When do you feel most like yourself? 
• What spaces let you exhale and stop performing? 
• What relationships or friendships or rhythms bring you back to center? 
• Where do you feel safe enough to be honest, unedited, and fully present? 

Need some help basking in your beloved-ness? Listen to the very first episode of this podcast, called You Are His Beloved. 

Chapters

• 0:00 Happy Friday!
• 3:01 Today’s Kus Word
• 6:09 Neuroscience of Authenticity
• 11:19 Reflection Questions and Prayer

Transcript

Michele: 0:00

It's Fri-yay, May 16th, and this is Today's Kus Word. Welcome to Today's Kus Word where this week we are launching into a fresh new series called Essential Grace. We're going to be exploring some big life coaching topics this week, like uncovering your values, clarifying your purpose, designing an intentional life, juicy stuff like that. I'm Michele Kus, your spiritual growth coach. Let's get into it. Happy Friday, my friend, and congrats! You made it to the end of the week and we're going to jump right back into our Essential Grace teaching series that we started on Monday with part one, which was, What Makes You Come Alive? We talked about getting in touch with what lights you up inside. And then part two, we talked about Your Sacred Non-Negotiables, those values and rhythms and people that are not up for debate. These are the things that your soul comes back to over and over again because they give you life. And then part three yesterday I tossed you a curveball, which I enjoy doing from time to time. Just an immersive spoken word meditation, a different kind of Kus Word, if you will, just to give your imagination another perspective on Proverbs 4, verse 23, which says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. And if you are the kind of person who likes listening to music or spoken word, I am going to notate those with different podcast art. You'll see headphones on the podcast artwork for those episodes, and usually it'll have some kind of heading like Meditative Spoken Word. I'm actually going to throw some dance music as well on this podcast. That'll be coming up. So if you like those, look for the podcast art with the headphones, and if you don't like those kind of episodes, then just skip the ones with the headphones on the artwork. Cool? And today, for part four, we are talking about something that is as freeing as it is foundational and that is returning to your true self. Not the version of you that learned how to please others. Not the version of you that was shaped by pressure or pain or trauma or any other survival tactics, but this is the original you, the you that God dreamed into being before the foundation of the world. So this isn't about striving to become something new. This is all about remembering who you already are, who God made you to be. And Today's Kus Word is this: I am God's beloved and I live from grace, not performance. I'll give it to you one more time: I am God's beloved and I live from grace, not performance. I love that word beloved. I actually have a tattoo on my forearm that says beloved, just to remind me who I am, no matter what kind of day I'm having, whether it's a good day, bad day or an ugly day. It's just a reminder that I can always see of who I actually am, which is God's beloved. But if you actually look closely at the tattoo, there's a little space in between the be and the loved, a little tiny space there to remind me that my job, my primary job, is to be loved and that's your primary job. It's just to be loved by the Father.

Michele: 4:04

So today we're unpacking how to recognize your true self and what it means to live fully you, not the version others expect of you. And if you've been following the show, you know that about a month ago, back in April, I did an episode called Unmasking the False Self, where we talked about how our true selves can actually become buried under layers of expectations or disappointment or trauma or just survival tactics, and that episode actually got a lot of downloads. I think it really resonated with a lot of people. So today I actually want to dive deeper into the flip side, which is your true self. So let's talk about the difference there. So the false self learns how to perform. It hustles for validation and it fears being too much and or not enough. So some people feel like they're too much all the time, just very extra. Some people feel not enough all the time and some people feel both like I'm too much but I'm not enough. Let me know if that resonates with you. I have definitely felt that in my life.

Michele: 5:16

The false self is always going to scan the room and conform to whatever the expectation is. It's kind of a chameleon. It's trying to earn love that was always meant to just be freely received. So, on the flip side, what's the true self? So the true self is obviously the opposite of all of that. But mainly, the true self is going to flow from union with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. That is our true place and it's grounded in grace. It's not striving. The true self is confident, without comparing oneself to other people. The true self feels whole, without having to prove anything. So this is about you coming home to your true self, who God created you to be.

Michele: 6:09

Let's talk a minute about what actually happens inside of your brain. I thought this was really interesting. I did a deep dive research because, as LulaBanana12 can tell you, she does a lot of research. I love research. What happens in your brain and body when you live from your false self versus your true self and neuroscience has actually, there's been a lot of studies in neuroscience on this topic. I was surprised how many. I found at least a dozen.

Michele: 6:40

But neuroscience will confirm what our souls kind of already know intuitively, and that is that living authentically true to who you really are does not just feel better, it actually changes your brain and your body for the better. So when you're living and being your true self, the brain's default mode network associated with self-awareness and reflection actually just naturally lights up. But when you present a false self by performing or pleasing or pretending, your brain has to work overtime. It takes a lot of psychological energy to do that. So it uses your prefrontal cortex, that front part of your brain, to manage the mask that you are wearing, and this triggers stress responses like elevated cortisol and a fight or flight activation. So walking around in a false self is psychologically exhausting, as well as emotionally exhausting. So living authentically true to yourself calms your nervous system. It improves your mood. It boosts resilience, and that includes resilience to infections, and it deepens relationships. So people who live in alignment with their true self actually experience lower anxiety, less depression, and they have stronger emotional and social bonds. This is true even in clinical settings where you've got people who have social anxiety, trauma recovery, every kind of mental health issue going on. That practicing authenticity helps restore emotional balance. So being real doesn't just bring peace of mind, it actually rewires your brain for freedom and connection and more joy. So in the language of grace, your truest self is also your healthiest self. But when you live from your false self, your brain has to work overtime and kind of lives in the state of exile.

Michele: 9:00

And scripture, right? We've always known this. In Psalm 139, verse 14, it says, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. David didn't just say that he was wonderful, he also said I know it full well. That is identity that's rooted in knowing who you are, that you are the beloved. It's a holy kind of self-awareness that is not flowing from ego or pride. It is flowing from a sense of belonging and belovedness. And you might be thinking, Well, that was King David, Michele, I'm just me! Yes, but if you look at King David's life, yeah, you know where I'm going with this. This man was not a perfect man, and you don't have to be perfect to be able to say, I am fearfully and wonderfully made and I know it full well. Because our identity is not wrapped up in what we do.

Michele: 10:15

It is entirely about who we are and whose we are. I feel like some of you need to hear that again. Your identity is not wrapped up in what you do. It is entirely about who you are, who God made you to be and whose you are. You are his beloved, period. End of conversation. It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter the mistakes you've made or even the deliberates that you've done on purpose. His love for you does not change based on what you've done in your life. His love for you is constant. You will always be the beloved. Whether you like it or not, whether you know it or not, you will always be the beloved, and it's not your fault. He's just that good. Okay, take a deep breath.

Michele: 11:21

I have a few reflection questions for you as we wrap up, and the first one is this: When do you feel most like yourself? What spaces let you exhale and stop performing? What relationships or friendships or rhythms bring you back to center? And the last one: Where do you feel safe enough to be honest and unedited and fully present? So I'll put those reflection questions down in the Show Notes as well if you would like to refer back to them and think about those this week. Those are just some sacred clues. Your true self is not going to shout, it will whisper and it shows up in these moments of peace and clarity and freedom to be unedited.

Michele: 12:43

I have to share a funny story with you. When one of my kids was younger, she used to get into these giggle moments and she would laugh herself so silly, she would end up on the floor and laugh and just roll around on the floor laughing herself, like, laughing up a storm. And it was such a picture of somebody who's totally themselves, totally unedited, and totally at home with who they truly are in the moment. And it created so much joy, not only in her, but in all the people in the room around her, like, it was so contagious, her joy. So that's just a picture of what it looks like to be fully yourself and unedited. So, whatever thoughts you have in response to those questions, write those down and, as I close, let me pray for us.

Michele: 13:41

God of all wholeness, thank you for the grace to return to ourselves. Thank you for the mercy that meets us even when we're not perfect, and unravel in us everything that's false. Call us back to the holy ground of our true self, which is always in You. And remind us that we are never lost. We are always held. We are not broken. We are just becoming more of who you've always created us to be. Breathe on every buried part and let us live, not from striving but from surrender. And remind us that in You, we are already and always enough.

Michele: 14:49

In the beautiful name of Jesus, I pray. Amen. And that, my friend, is what I've got for you today. I hope you loved it, and if you did, make sure you share it with a friend who needs to also hear that they are enough. And if you loved this episode, send me a text message. If you're in the US or Canada, you can send me a one way text message and let me know how this is hitting you or what is your biggest takeaway. I would love to hear it! And in the next episode of the Essential Grace series, we will start to talk about your core values and your internal compass, how you make decisions, how you set boundaries, how you shape the rhythms in your life. I think you're going to love it! Until then, have an awesome day and an awesome weekend.